Since the tube map of music failed to give Heavy Metal it's own line, even though we Brits practically invented the bloody thing, we thought we'd redress the balance by concentrating this week on a couple of shows that will echo as much to the sound of creaking limbs as they do to that of screaming electric guitars.
First off there's that contentious additional Bon Jovi date at what will by then be the brand new Wembley Stadium. Consider all those who bought tickets under sufferance for the 11th June, just so they could be at the first ever gig in the new venue only to find out that the Bons have just announced a new date a day earlier on the 10th. Shame on you Mr Jovi for your under handed treatment of those willing to pay £40 just to hear Living On A Prayer one more time in a spangly new open topped cattle shed. Boooo, hisssssss.
Do you believe in omens? The very first band to tread the new stage will apparently be Nickleback. Anyone know the first band ever to play the original Wembley? Let us know in the comments section, we might even try to dig up a prize. But probably not.
Anyone with fond memories of being hit in the back of the head by a flying carton of piss sailing at velocities as yet unreached by NASA will be sorely disappointed to hear that Monsters Of Rock will be taking up residence at Milton Keynes Bowl this year. A place where finding a receptacle to piss into will defeat even the most ardent of rivet heads, let alone being able to throw it. And to be honest, with Alice Cooper and Deep Purple headlining, you'll be more in danger of being hit by pictures of the grand children. Still, 3rd June and your (if we may paraphrase the NME) Third Summer Of Rock is up and running. We have no idea what the first two were by the way so don't bother asking.
If you prefer your mosh pits to actively involve moshing then perhaps you'll be stocking up on the black nail polish in time for three days of Download 2006. Since usurping Monsters from Metal's spiritual home at (Scream for me) Castle Donnington, Download has gone from strength to proverbial strength. Having Trivium, Bullet For My Valentine and The Prodigy as first acts announced will be keeping avid Kerrang! readers peeing themselves silly until June 9th.
Next week we'll try to a little more variety for you, but only once we've stopped listening to Stained Class.