Bond. Big Girl's Blouse Bond.

By sizemore Last edited 141 months ago
Bond. Big Girl's Blouse Bond.
casinoroyale.jpg

Our worries about Daniel Craig not being the best choice for Bond were turned up a notch over the weekend when we read that he was crap at the old fisticuffs:

While filming his first fight scene in movie remake Casino Royale, actor Daniel Craig had two of his teeth knocked out by a villain. Shocked Daniel staggered backwards with his hand up to his bleeding mouth...

Shocked? Staggered? Now we know there's supposed to be a certain amount of acting involved, but still... what a half-pint. The next thing you know he won't even try and lay the Bond girls. If only the spirit of Oliver Reed were still alive somewhere amongst the current crop of British fops.

The 007's injuries were so bad that his private dentist from London was flown out to Prague to perform emergency surgery. Daniel has now been given gumshields to wear while filming stunt scenes for the action-packed movie, so that his teeth look perfect when the camera pans over him.

They should have just wrote it into the script. Hard as nails Bond spitting teeth and kicking balls wherever they hang. Now that would be a movie. Gumshields? That's like those pantywastes* that wear earplugs to gigs to protect their precious hearing. It's supposed to do you permanent damage if the band are worth their salt - that's why safety experts invented chart music for those of a weak disposition.

We'll be keeping an eye on Craig from here on out. He was pretty good in Munich, but anyone can shoot a naked Dutch girl with a bicycle pump. The real challenge is wearing a safari suit and making it look good.

*yeah we know it's supposed to be pantywaist, but our version is more vivid

Last Updated 20 February 2006

Dumpster

I couldn't bloody believe it when they gave him the job. On the back of what, Layer Cake? That's the most overrated film I've seen in years, and he wasn't even the best thing in it.

They could have had Clive Owen (steely, hard, no mercy) or Eric Bana (cool, funny, also hard)... and they went with who? A bloke with blonde hair. Please.

mike

Oh, we like you.

Blonde! What were they thinking?

Owen would have been good. Pity they killed off his character in the Bourne movies too.

Not to worry. The Matador is showing here soon and that's the best thing that Brosnan's done in years...

tennis

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Pendostanets

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