This member of the Londonist dungeon was always more of an indie kid than a raver, but netherless, we got the impression that dance music was all about haring around the orbital, indulging in some serious hedonism, sticking up two fingers at the oppressive police state and all the while helping to develop a serious counter-culture.
Not so it seems. According to the Ministry of Sound, the last superclub standing, dance is all about mix compilations, branded mobile phones and retro flight bags. And fitness of course. Fitness? We always thought that clubbing involved a necessarily unhealthy attitude to ones body, centering around late nights, excssive alcohol and drug intake and the damage caused to eardrums by HUUUUGE sound systems. Wasn’t that the fun part?
No. Clearly it’s all about starting with a good stretch and a power bar, then enjoying a serious cardio work-out to some bangin’ tunes before your warm-down, some herbal tea and then off back home for a mentoring session with your life coach before bed.
The Ministry is happy to help out, which is why you can now add to the thrills of your branded fitness DVD and water bottle with a trip to the Elephant & Castle for the official Ministry of Sound fitness classes, every Wednesday!
Ye gods! Has it come to this?
Any hot-blooded Londoners thinking of signing up in order to get up close and personal with some of the beautiful people pictured above, should bear in mind that anyone who is prepared to refine their ‘abs’ to such razor-sharp proportions, would most probably only be interested in spending a date swapping squat techniques and exhorting you to punch them in the stomach…..”look, see how hard it is? Now, smash a glass onto me..go on, DO IT!”
We do of course realise that the Ministry has always been considered a bit naff, but the question we would want ask is, where is all the good stuff taking place these days?