We got all excited when we saw the "£300 a head" story regarding the Tory party, but it's just the cost of attending the handover ceremony and has nothing to do with bounty hunting. How disapointing...
So tonight's the night when Michael Howard is finally called back to dust, but sadly there's still no clear contender as heir to the Conservative throne. This means it's probably not going to be as thrilling as when Megatron became Galvatron although we have it on good authority that Unicron will be keeping a close eye on proceedings.
Both the Ds will be there along with all the other ghouls and while The Independent is keen to point out that the menu will consist of artichoke and fig tart, rosemary and lemon poussin and Seville orange and almond frangipane, reports of virgins going missing in the vicinity of Banqueting House in Whitehall suggest that it's more likely to be the traditional Tory fair.
It's been a while since so much evil was collected under one roof which means the police will be out in force to keep back the likes of Optimus Prime and any cute blonde Californian girls wearing tight Sunnydale U sweatshirts.