Thursday afternoon in the Londonist dungeon, and the fetid air is filled with the sound of blistered and bloodied fingers tapping manically on keyboards. The Editor pokes his head out of his luxury climate-controlled office....
"Premiership Preview Bloke...in here. Now."
"Your predictions are a disgrace."
"But I got two right last week."
"TWO?!? Hardly Alan Hansen is it? And your attempt to jump on the Chelsea backlash bandwagon was laughable. You missed THAT boat by at least a week! Pathetic."
"Yes...well....errr....hey, what about pointing out that Marlon Harewood has a huge mishapen head....that's funny! It looks like a melon! Ha! Hm....yes..."
"You're a worm."
"Yes boss. Sorry boss."
"Get it sorted. Or the gimp mask goes back on."
"Yes boss. Thanks boss.""
Chelsea v Aston Villa
Surely this can only be a Chelsea win? They're flying, they've got that 'we've got a lovely little siege mentality going because everyone blames us for the drop in crowds and reliance on boring 4-5-1 formations' vibe going on and they're playing against a Villa side that is just plain rank. However. Chelsea have to drop points sometime and the Villains will be cock-a-hoop after their midweek goal avalanche against Wycombe. Draw perhaps? No. Sorry, but we've bottled it. Home win.
West Brom v Charlton
Oh for goodness sake, who knows? Who cares? West Brom deserve to get their second win of the season purely because they have a player named Zoltan. Zoltan! Imagine him striding onto the training ground every morning and shouting 'PUNY HUMANS! I AM ZOLTAN! BEHOLD MY AWESOME POWERS!' Fantastic. On the other hand though, they also have Geoff Horsfield, who is a carthorse, the very antithesis of all the beauty that is Thierry Henry and on that basis should be eliminated immediately. Charlton to keep on dreaming about the Champions League. Away win.
West Ham v Arsenal
This is a GREAT fixture. It automatically brings back memories of FA Cup replays in 1998: John Hartson throwing himself around, Anelka gliding past challenges and Sammassi Abou - remember him? Yes yes yes, we like this a LOT. The Hammers will go for it and the Arse will slaughter them. Alternatively, Teddy might get one over his most fervant detractors for the very last time, imagine that. Excellent footballing fare whichever way it goes, but we expect the Gooners to prevail. Away win.
Tottingham v Fulham (Monday)