Ah, autumn. Londonist particularly loves this time of year - the Tube becomes slightly less sauna-like, the trees in our great parks start to look more interesting, and mulled wine season is just around the corner. And, of course, the autumn schedules start to look more interesting, as TV leaves the wastelands of summer (excepting Lost [Wed 10pm C4], an oasis of joy surrounded by the sands of despair and Celebrity Love Island) and enters the, um, mountains of happiness that are the autumnal TV schedule. OK, OK, enough already with the dodgy topographical metaphor. Apologies. The point is, TV Troll will become more trollish than ever as the soma-emitting cathode ray tube broadcasts such delights as this week's big new treat, Spooks (Mon/Tue 9pm BBC1). With its straight-from-the-headlines plot about a bombing attack in London, we'll certainly be tuning in, and we hope you will too, dear Londonist reader. Lovely, lovely Martine McCutcheon's the guest star this week.
Londonist has been watching with some surprise as the Romantic Novelists' Association has progressed through University Challenge: The Professionals (Mon 8.30pm BBC2), to reach the final. Not bad for representatives of a genre that many people are happy to write off as intellectually barren and only fit for morons. Will they beat the Privy Council? We'll be clapping for them in the Londonist dungeon, if Mr Editro [sic] allows us to remove our manacles for the occasion. We'll definitely be tuning in, even though it means missing the second half of Monarchy By David Starkey (Mon 8pm C4), tonight's other big new arrival. Sorry, David. Oh yes, there's a new series of night-owls' favourite Film 2005 With Jonathan Woss (Mon 11.20pm BBC1) as well.
It's Nighty Night time on Tuesday (Tue 10.30pm BBC3), as things get ever weirder and more grotesque. Then, what better way to chill out and forget Jill's appallingly twisted scheming than to watch the famously zen auteur Werner Herzog's calming tale of kittens playing in a field, Aguirre: The Wrath Of God (Tue 11.35pm BBC4)? Don't forget Wakey Wakey Campers (Tue 9pm C4), CSI: Miami, CSI: NY and Law & Order (Tue 9pm/10pm/11pm Five), too.
Londonist must admit to a certain ennui regarding that famous final frontier. Shows set in space, featuring silver jumpsuits, alien civilisations, "kooky" robots, and ripped-off-from-Star Wars dogfights, yes. Life without Babylon 5 and Buck Rogers, and even Battlestar Galactica (although we hear the new series is rather special) would be far duller, with a distinct lack of jumpsuits. It's such a shame that space exploration, more particularly our continuing failure to seek out new life and new civilisations, is rather less interesting than that. However, the Beeb's big new series promises to make up for our failure to get a peep out of the uncommunicative universe by laying bare the tensions, personalities, rivalries and fear that were the real rocket fuel for the Space Race (Wed 9pm BBC2). There are even Nazis in the mix too. Nazis in space - what a hellish thought ... Meanwhile, on the premise that you can never have too many pairs of shoes, zeroes on your bank balance, or medical dramas (we wish Grey's Anatomy would hurry up and appear on terrestrial), ITV is showing one of its big new autumn offerings, The Golden Hour, all about London's air ambulances. Watch out for those rotor blades - advice we wish Dr Romero (the short ugly bald one off ER) had taken.
7/7: Attack On London (Wed 9pm Five) does exactly what it says on the bottle, Ronseal-style - gives more analysis of the July bombings. Have we had enough of this yet? No? Right then. Alternately, Murder Blues (Wed 9pm BBC1) chronicles the efforts of Operation Trident as the unit attempts to tackle our fair city's gun crime problem. No grim jokes about the police and unlawful shootings, please - thanks.
(Londonist is also pleased - and surprised - to tell you that Bodger And Badger [la la la la la Bodger knows Badger is never far away] is still on [Wed 2.30pm CBBC]. Any readers not trapped in an office from 9 to 5, is it a new series, or repeats? Oh, for the days of getting home in time for Newsround ...)
No Waste Like Home (Thur 8.30pm BBC2) is strangely fascinating, as it brings home exactly how wasteful we all are. Watch in amazement as an ordinary household significantly reduces its ecological footprint, and its bills. Last week, the featured family saved about £80 a week by buying fresh food rather than microwave meals, and by switching to reusable nappies. Now, this Londonista, while far from being a tree-hugging hippy, finds global warming as huge and terrifying as the next sane person; this programme gives some excellent starter advice on how to start to do something to slow it down somewhat, albeit at the smallest level. Well, it's better than nothing, and the financial aspect at least is enough to get us interested. For more evidence of human stupidity and short-sightedness, check out Bleach My Skin White: Reel London. No explanation needed, really.
If Lemmy is a Londonist hero, then Ozzy Osbourne is a Londonist god. The bit in The Dirt where he snorts a line of ants in front of Nikki Sixx has to be the most rock'n'roll moment ever. Fucking metal, yeah. We're looking forward to Ozzy Osbourne: In My Life (Sat 10.10pm ITV1) like a born-again fundie is looking forward to the rapture. (Warning: link may not be mind-safe.) We love Sharon, too, which is this week's feeble excuse to plug X Factor (Sat 7.10pm ITV1). We're not sure if we loved or hated Derek from Big Brother, but whatever, he's on a celebrity special Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (Sat 8.10pm ITV1) so we'll watch it and try and decide. Just pray on his behalf that Chris Tarrant doesn't ask him any questions about horses.
Finally, Londonist wishes to apologise for not having recommended Dead Ringers (Sun 10.30pm BBC2) sooner. Yes, we all know it was better on the radio, but last night's episode was pretty bloody good. Happy watching, fellow trolls!