Forgive yesterday’s lack of Big Brother news; this Londonista was still cowering behind the sofa after the wine bottle incident. For those of you who don’t know anything about the wine bottle incident, well, use your imaginations. Kinga must have had the mother of all wake-ups yesterday morning. After all the usual where am I? what day is this? sleep-mazed stuff, there’d be the inevitable: did I really stick a wine bottle up my punani in front of 5 million people on national television? Oh fuck. We already had a clue as to the capacious nature of Kinga’s vag – her ”stick the cucumber up my jacksie" comment to Eugene way back in the Secret Garden days ought to have been a hint – but a wine bottle is really … mind-boggling. Say what you like about Kinga, she’s certainly a hell of a lot more interesting than Orlaith, the dearly departed and utterly unmissed.
The fall-out today wasn’t too radioactive, all things considered. Eugene did his disappointed-Maths-teacher routine, Craig of the jiggly bitch-tits and the formica-faced Geordie knobber Ant-knee laughed it off, Makosi and Derek hardly mentioned it – it was Kinga herself who seemed to go most doolally and started scribbling eyeliner all over her face – a modern form of self-flagellation?
In other news, Makosi, the sly girl, provoked a vicious spat between Ant-knee and Craig, by telling Ant-knee she wanted to tell him – and only him – something “important” before she left the house. Craig, being unable to bear the thought of his short, podgy dancer love-object not sharing every last detail of his life, was all over Ant-knee to get him to tell Craig something which he didn’t even know yet. Logic would seem to show that asking someone to tell you something that they themselves have yet to be told is counter-productive, but it didn’t stop Craig screeching like a jilted banshee with its arse on fire while Makosi looked on and giggled. The odd scene ended with Craig telling Ant-knee to leave him alone – surely a first. Ant-knee looked gormless (hard for him to look anything but, really) and perplexed at all this – disingenuous of him, to say the least, as he must have known how the thought of him and Makosi excluding Craig would have wound the man-breasted one up.
Oh, and Eugene and Derek are both up for eviction. Usually, the default position of if in doubt, get rid of the Tory would apply, but Derek and his joyous bouncing are strangely endearing. More endearing than Eugene’s impressions? Up to you, dear viewer, up to you.