Oh my God there are vampires in London. Seriously, look it's in the Independent so it must be true. Evacuate the city now. Call Wesley Snipes. Call Buffy. Won't someone think of the children?
Oh, wait...there's a question mark...it's a book review. Panic over.
Real Cities by Dr Steve Pile (stop laughing at the back there) is a serious, academic examination of "spooky experiences" in three of the world's major cities: New Orleans, Singapore and, yes, London.
According to the article, "In London, ghosts often inhabit buildings built on the site of 'plague pits', where the bodies of victims of the dreadful 17th century epidemic were buried en masse."
And Dr Pile says:
"People have seen ghost rats, and ghost flies emerging from the ground and swarming round."
People? Which people? But it gets worse:
"New Orleans and London are apparently riddled with vampires."
Thinking about it we have been a bit pale and listless recently. And then there's the craving for rare steak...
Real Cities: Modernity, Space and Phantasmagorias of City Life' (best book title of 2005 so far?) is published by Sage Publications,and is £21.99 on Amazon.