28 May 2017 | 13.0 °C

At Home With Mourinho

By londonist_alex2 Last edited 145 months ago
At Home With Mourinho
jose.JPG

A protest against the perceived lack of support from the Chelsea suits? Or the latest psychological master-stroke from the golden child of European football? Your guess is as good as ours, all we do know is that Jose Mourinho is not going to be at Stamford Bridge tonight for Chelsea's Champions League tie against Bayern, choosing instead to watch the game on tv at a 'secret location'. Surely the 'secret' aspect is a bit over the top? How's the pizza delivery guy going to find him? OK, so he could pick up a take-away before the game, rather than relying on delivery to his underground bunker, but then he's still got to get to the offie (despite the sophisticated image, we suspect the Great One has a Skol Lager fetish) and if he's not careful with his timings, he might miss kick-off. The 'secret location' plan is clearly a non-starter and should be ditched immediately. Jose could watch the match at home, where he can always rely on Mrs. Mourinho having a fridge stacked full of goodies, but then he would face the temptation of channel hopping, and he could get side-tracked by either 'The Bill' on ITV1 or a repeat of 'Porridge' on UK Gold.

Clearly then, Jose's only option is to pop down to a pub, so if you have any suggestions as to where he might go, please don't hesitate to let us know.

Wherever he ends up, we fear that this match might make uncomfortable viewing. After beating Barcelona in the last round, Chelsea should fear no one and Bayern are certainly not as good as Arsenal made them look, especially with striker Claudio Pizarro missing through injury. Unfortunately however, the Blues are running out of fullbacks and the sneaking suspicion remains that Glen Johnson is not quite yet the finished article. John Terry should be able to hold everything together, but there is every chance that the Germans could be leaving town tomorrow with one of those all important away goals tucked into their leather shorts.

The game is live on Sky Sports and kicks off at 7.45pm.

Last Updated 06 April 2005

JamesK

Because I'm mildly bored at work this afternoon, and because this proved to be too much fun; here are my suggestions:

If Jose's feeling fearful that Chelsea will concede that away goal, look no further than a soothing pint at the Bricklayers Arms, EC2. Perhaps he'd rather try the Oporto Tavern, E14 or Oporto, WC1 if he's in a reminiscent mood. I also heard a rumour that the Cock & Woolpack, EC3, was missing their cock.

In truth I'd be happy to recommend him any boozer in the Highbury area.

billyclarkie

I have a fantasy of him showing up in the Shed with a huge fake beard and a mobile phone.

B-)